Frequently Asked Questions

Why are FlawedBoards so expensive?

Already asking stupid questions... great! Nice start to an FAQ.

Seriously, why are they so expensive?

Alright pinhead, here ya go.  First, Live-Edge Hardwoods are expensive in general. This isn’t your big box home improvement store lumber we’re using here. Second, a lot of time, effort, and other materials go into making each one of these pieces of crap. Third, these aren’t mass produced pieces of shit, they’re high quality, one-off, custom pieces of shit made by a dude with some power tools and not much skill at all. Fourth, we’ve got a pretty significant gambling and alcohol habit to maintain so we’d like to make a little scratch off these things. Happy now snowflake?!?

Are these boards worth it?

Probably not, but you spend your hard earned money on over-priced, useless shit you don’t need all the time. Why not spend some of your kid’s college fund on one of these bad boys that you’ll no doubt use a few times while entertaining and be the envy of all your guests!  Sadly though, it will end up collecting dust in a closet somewhere or you’ll decide to use it for target practice? Amiright?

The board I ordered wasn’t the one I received? 

Shut up, yes it was!  A higher power said it was. Who are we to go against the wishes of a superior being?!?! 

The board I received was broken? 

No it wasn’t. You sit on a thrown of lies!

No really, it was broken? 

Congrats, you now have two Flawedboards for the price of one!!

Look asshole it was broken!!!?? 

Okay Okay, calm down Francis! Contact us, we’ll make it right.

Do you make boards to specific customer requests (size, shape, dimensions)?

Possibly. We work with what Mother Nature has given us and that crazy hooker doesn’t work in standard shapes and sizes. We actually do as little as we can to the wood to keep it as natural looking as possible while still making it functional. This does two very important things:  Keeps us from doing too much work, allowing us to drink more and it keeps us from hurting ourselves as much!  For example, if you ask us for an  oversized serving board that is 15” x 36” x 2”, you probably get something that is in the neighborhood of 36” long, around 2” thick, 14” wide on one side and 16” wide on the other. They’re call Flawedboards for a reason, you child!

Are your boards food safe?

We use only food-safe oils to finish our boards.  Outside of that, I’ve got no idea. If you happen to be allergic to hardwoods of any type, I’d move on, but that’s just me.

Is that a blood stain on my board?

Probably and that shit hurt bad.

Is it human blood? 

Well, we don’t have a troop of monkey’s making these damn things, so probably so.

Why is there a blood stain on my board?  

Alcohol and power tools usually don’t mix, shit happens!

Is it safe?

I’m no scientist but our Blood Alcohol Content was probably sufficiently high enough to kill off any bad bugs. Can we move from the blood topic now… thank you!?!?

How can I purchase a board? 

Hopefully at some point we’ll have a fancy online store for purchasing. For the time being, check out our gallery for available boards to purchase and descriptions. Shoot us an email and we’ll figure the rest out.  We’ll keep the inventory fairly up-to-date so you’ll know what we have.

What type of payment do you accept?

PayPal and VENMO for now.  Other forms coming soon.

Is there a customer service number I can call?

Sure, 1-800-GET-BENT!  LOL!!, but seriously, no there’s not a customer service number for you to call. We’re a small shop and we’re busy drinking and making boards. We don’t have time to answer the phone.  You know you're just going to ask a stupid question that could've very easily been answered by just reading this comprehensive FAQ anyway, right!?! Wait, that was harsh, send us an email and we’ll get back to you soon-ish. 

How do I talk to a live person?

Usually you walk up to them in a non-threatening fashion and introduce yourself politely. Make some small talk and see where the conversation leads. Masks are optional but that’s just me. 

Send us an email to start. If we deem you worthy we will allow you to speak with one of our very personable and bubbly associates. And by associates, we mean whichever one of us is more sober at the time!

Can these boards be used as weapons?

Holy hell?!?  Pump the brakes there, Ted Bundy.  Let's take a closer look, they're made of dense hardwoods that are bound to do some serious damage, check.  They sometimes have sharp edges, check.  They're typically lite enough to swing, check.  Answer:  probably.  However, we do not support, promote, or condone the use of Flawedbaords as a weapon of any kind.  In fact, you can't have one, you psycho!  You should really go talk to someone. 

Why are you so angry?

COVID19, Political landscape, mainstream media, social media, stupid people in general, people that are offended by everything... I could go on and on, but I’m only getting madder talking about it.  We’re just as flawed as the boards we make.

The board I received was damaged?

How do you know? It’s flawed to begin with, genius! Contact us, we’ll talk about it.

What’s your return/refund policy?

Let me get this straight… You found our website, you looked at our offerings, you read the descriptions, you decided in your ultimate wisdom to spend a fair chunk of coin on a flawed board, you received the board as promised and now you want to send it back and get a refund? You’ve obviously lost your friggin’ mind! Unless the board is verifiably damaged when you receive it, refunds are highly unlikely. We’re happy to talk about it with you however. And by “talk about it” we mean send us email.

How do you ship your boards?

Usually UPS ground. On occasion we’ve been known to train bald-eagles to grab the board with their steely talons and sore majestically to your preferred drop location. Once there, these grand birds are trained to only drop their valuable packages when they hear the Star Spangled Banner blasting out of a 1975 Chevy Camaro with shitty 6x9 speakers and a Spark-O-Matic head unit.  The majestic creature will glide down and deliver your board with a huge crash that will no doubt add additional flaws to your already flawedboard (no extra charge for the added flaws, you’re welcome!). As a parting gift, this most noble animal will leave a giant eagle turd on your lawn (or Camaro) as it flies out off into the sunset, at which point you are contractually obligated to scream “Hell Yeah!” ‘Merica.

How do you care for/maintain the board?

Go to our "FlawedBoard Care" page for details.  Make sure you follow the directions, you crayon eater!